channelled message from Oliver received on 8/8/17 at 8:33 a.m. ET US.
I want to run. That’s how I know the energy of Mercury Retrograde has activated. And, I don’t run. I analyze, ponder, consider, discern and then decide, but I don’t run. Yet, that’s what this feeling is like. R U N N I N G…
I received the above message from Oliver as I was sitting at my home office desk doing research for next week’s 1-year anniversary of our meeting for the 1st time on the morning of 8/14/17. As I watched a video from that period, staying open for clues to see if there were signs then that what was to occur was about to. Then I literally slipped out of my body. As if no time passed here, while about half an hour seemed to have passed in non-linear space/time, I awoke with my head on my desk and an ache of energy residue in my head and heart; like a head/heart ache. What happened at this end I do not really know for sure. What happened there… hard to explain. Let me offer my best effort.
Oliver met me. I couldn’t see him, only sense an energy source. I could hear his voice clearly and he said what I wrote above. Then he went on to say
When you walk away you will have the tools you need. Can you see that now? The ball’s in your court. You asked me once if you would always have what you did in the garden (in AZ) at that moment. We assured you you would. We assure you now. It may not look like you thought but it will deliver what you desire. Be with me when you can. Be with me now. And, remember… that man was not for you. This man is not for you. Physicality cannot hold within its form the love I have for you. It is the intangible asking to be tangible, a stone desiring breath. It is not a design element in the field of existence where you find yourself. It is here for you always, at home. Your home. Within you.
I know we spoke longer, and the exchange was conversational in nature. I also know I could feel his presence – the same way I did the night back in mid-December when he came into my girlfriend’s living room through some vortexual portal we’d collectively, energetically, trusted our way into experiencing. If I had to explain it, it would be like the sensation you get when you close your eyes an feel movement around you. You can tell someone/thing is near. You can sense it. You just cannot see or touch it. I recall brushing my hands across my face, feeling a webiness cross the side of my face and through my hair. Still there. And where was I in this experience? No idea. I didn’t sense a body but I did sense actions like walking (or moving forward as one would if walking) in a forest, surrounded by greenery, komorebi all around like fireflies twinkling between the leaves of the trees. And I heard the sound of liquid flowing down a brook, or puddle. A body of water, small.
Then I was back.
The first thing I noticed was the sense to run was tempered, though bubbling just behind my rib cage. I felt as if I’d just jogged a fast mile. My heart raced, its beat so strong I could see it pumping through my nylon shirt. And, I knew this was only the beginning of the unknown to happen during this coming retrograde. Not sure how to do this again, as the last one in April/May wiped me out and took a few months to fully recover from. But I am sure I can, too. I can do anything. Survive anything. I have.
My father was murdered in, of all places, a VA Hospital in Marion Indiana by an attendant who never even saw the inside of a sheriff’s office. I had a guy break into my house while I was home and keep me captive for hours before I devised a lucky plan to escape (as he killed his next victim). I’ve had hundreds of thousands of dollars and assets stollen from me by relatives and friends. I’ve been discriminated against and short changed in job offers and earnings more than once. I had two cars blown up in my own driveway. I was there as my mother was eaten from the inside out by cancer of the everything, and I’ve lost 3 pregnancies. I’ve supported close relatives while in prison. Filed for bankruptcy twice. Been foreclosed upon twice – neither successful. Been sued for unfounded, ego-based, petty crap by those who thought I had more than my share of money, in hopes of a quick payday. Had untruths spoken about me publicly; with one such time being an article written in a national newspaper, picked up by the AP and tossed around the country for all to falsely believe. I’ve been cheated in love and in business, and beaten so badly I ended up in the hospital. I’ve even had my life seriously and genuinely threatened, once nearly taken by those with intent to succeed. And… the list goes on. Yet, I’m happy.
The point is not to splash my woes about like after dinner mints. It is to show that we all face what is labeled as tragedy. It is part of the life experience. It doesn’t need to happen once you get your feelings in check and discover the actual existence and power of the positive. I allow happiness every day. I accept that this new way of being is not that of my parents (or even my own kid, at present), and I know there’s so much more I will never be able to comprehend. Change is inevitable and I am a change agent, thus fear is not an option. Besides… I am not one who feels fear. Startled? Sure. My son love’s to scare the shit out of me by popping out of unexplored corners. But fear? Nah!
So I’ll stay. For now. Oh, and Oliver… I won’t be sailing anytime soon. I don’t have any dramamine pills!
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NOTE: banner / blog page placeholder image for this post is of the San Francisco Bay, taken on 4/11/17. click here to view.