channeled message received from Oliver on 9/17/17 at 8:08 a.m. ET US.
I have been graced with the opportunity to observe many relationships in the last year or so, in a number of unique locales, between people of all sorts of cultures and under a dichotomy of conditions. What I’ve learned would fill a book, and that would just be my perception of things. The opinions and experiences of others would have to be incorporated to offer a full cycle of possibilities, so I write with the caveat that what is to follow is of my opinion, alone.
In this time of late, I observe. In the observation I’ve noticed a number of genuinely surprising commonalities in the way “committed” relationships seem to work in today’s supposedly modern world; a resulting state of consciousness that confounds me, still. A rundown of why I feel how I feel, from a point of view of the wide-open mind of my now, is what you will find below.
Before I right angle it, let me say that what I’m about to share comes from a place of today. Yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday ago I felt differently. Much differently. The idea for today’s post sprouted from a feeling that offering my thoughts may provide value to some one contemplating similar matters of the heart. I also see the share as a way of opening a dialogue about the broad shift in perception an expanded awakening can have… IS having on all facets of one’s human experience; including the fundamentals of a relationship. As stated above, this is my opinion and may not be yours, nor does it need to be. Your reality is yours to mold. Mine is mine. If we can agree on that, the rest is cake!
OK. Let me take a deep breath. And I begin…
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Unconventional, unconditional love. What do I mean by that?
By unconventional I mean
my views do not follow norms as presented in the 3D worlds where I’ve found myself living, in terms of religious, societal, and in many cases cultural beliefs. What I consider to be supportive behavior may, to most, appear to be frivolous, blind, stupid, and co-dependent. In other words, I give my open mind and heart when I love, if I love. That is the only way I know to be. That includes a way of being with another that is foreign to most, and in the unknown there may be a turning away and back to what IS known. And, in the turning away they view others who do not do the same as frivolous, blind, stupid, etc… What those same folks cannot see is that the opposite is, in fact, what results – at least that’s my truth.
By unconditional I mean
there is no thing that would stop the feeling of love from existing. No thing! If the other person didn’t feel the same, that’s fine – the love would be there. If the other person lives far away, no problem – the love would be there. If the other person gets mad, changes, gets more money, looses everything, wins a triathlon, gets a terminal disease or is made aware of a long-term health condition, if they partner with another, if they give you everything or take all you have – the love would be there. Always. When one is loved unconditionally, the one doing the loving wants to do whatever will make the other happy, no matter what that is, and will do it with eagerness and intent. Absent guilt. Absent worry or jealousy. With honor and joy. Desire without expectation.
Without expectation… that is the foundation. It is a faith that love is enough; love without demand or expectation. Now, I’m all for sitting porch-side in a communal swing or rocking chair taking in all that is, along an expansive countryside with the one you love. I’m also for letting them be whomever they are, whatever that is, for as long as the relationship continues no matter where that takes us. I want what they want because I know that in a shared desire co-creation is inevitable. Guaranteed. Besides, when I love I want his/her dreams to come true. And, I know that in a frequency of love maintained, all expectations that can be imagined will be. That’s just how it works. So I love…
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By love and relationships I mean
I’m talking love between family members, between couples, friends, co-workers, any two or more individuals. I’m just talking about love. The relationship “type” is secondary… Arbitrary, really.
Why the need for a label? What’s with these cultural taboos? How come so few fly alternative?
These are the questions I began to ask myself after observing so many married couples navigating their relationships in the same unfulfilling ways, getting the same neutral, seemingly congenial results. Results where no one ended up happy, just lukewarm, status quo; that is except outsiders, who were privy only to the sparkling, “everything’s great” persona’s publicly presented… these marriages of convenience, of companionship, void of love. Genuine love. The kind of love you’d get out of bed and run into the cold of night simply to shout to the moon of your joy. Stupid love. Unconditional love.
My observations of modern married life led to confusion, and I wanted to understand. Why was this kind of life invited… accepted… allowed to continue indefinitely? Why were so few happy under this self-imposed density of rules and conditions of the norm that so held them from themselves- even if toxic, because of reasons that amounted to the intangibles of fear? Fear of ridicule. Of being called a failure. Of not meeting a sacred term of commitment. Fear of how you will be perceived by others. Fear of loss, of change… of the unknown. Or how about guilt. Guilt in even thinking of change. Guilt of how your decision will effect this person or that person. Guilt for no reason other than you feel that’s what you deserve for wanting more. For wanting to be loved.
And the strangest angle of all, these folks perceived what they were doing… the choices gauged, sacrifices made as a badge of honor worn proudly for “doing the right thing,” whatever that may mean to them, individually and collectively. They then continued to live their lives providing for, supporting, lifting up or sharing responsibilities with a partner, sibling, or good friend that were unfulfilling and energetically draining. Choosing their path for reasons of practicality, alone, void of self consideration.
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Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not… I repeat, I AM NOT saying I believe folks in unhappy marriages should just break up in a selfish move in the name of self-actualization. I actually believe in staying together to work through the challenges, the surprises. That’s what has the potential to build a stronger connection. Worth the investment… the climb… the lessons learned.
No. What I’m talking about are relationships where one or both sides are dissatisfied and feel they have tried to make it work, but it isn’t working, can’t work without clarity, and clarity often means facing facts one prefers not to. So, they stay in the dark. Allow themselves to continue living a life less than that of which they are worthy, and they appear positive – even if only in the eyes of the public.
That is what I have perceived. Over and over again. From the east to the west coast of the United States, and parts in between. In countries far away. In the homes of the rich and those with not so much. In languages of all kinds. All ethnicities. All sexual orientations (…well, my friend Don J. may disagree with me about that, tho… lol), ages, educations and inclinations. It has been an awakening to watch those I love choose dis-harmony for the sake of tradition or expectation, or guilt, or whatever it is. To me, that is denying one’s self and one’s reason for being – to journey along one’s desired path, and to do so in love.
With the above said, my views on how I approach love, an experience where all involved are happy, rolls out within the points below.
LABELS:
Let’s start with labels. He’s my boyfriend. She’s my aunt. He’s my brother. She’s my friend. Labels. What we call the relationships we have. Sure, a child is a child no matter what you call it. A co-worker is just that; someone who works with you, but is that all they are? Does each label come with a set of prefabricated rules, conditions and expectations about how we are to love that person and to what degree? Sure it does. We are to love our siblings this much, offer this degree of understanding, allow this much bullshit. Every relationship becomes a peg to fit into the appropriate slot; a guidebook for your interactions and ways of proceeding made easy. One. Two. Three…
Yet, what are labels, really? The are limiters. Definers of our actions, our beliefs, a way for us to stop thinking about how we feel and allow how we feel to be influenced by the definitions of others. With respect to coupled relationships, let’s talk labels. When you love another in a way that is traditionally determined as being “in love” what is that relationship called? Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Husband/Wife? Partners? And… when does exclusivity get added to the list of expectations? That’s where I want to take this discussion.
When I love, how I desire to be loved, is with a fullness of being. I care that they love. I don’t care that I’m the only one they love. Weird? Hard to wrap your head around? I can understand that. It isn’t how we are suppose to feel, right? Again, clarification is required to assure there are no misunderstandings. When I say I love with the fullness of being, without expectation, I mean I just love. I allow the feeling of love to permeate the exchange, not the exchange to permeate the feeling. For example, if I loved a man or woman that was married, and the marriage was one of convenience, where even the convenience had become inconvenient. The richest glow from the deepest of feelings, one that expresses itself in oneness, without limit, with bravado… that’s what I want. Someone who feels. Someone who can speak to me in the language of emotion. Someone who is unafraid to step into the feeling of love without fear they are no longer allowed to love others. Ever! To me, that’s unrealistic, ungracious, unacceptable, and I refuse to live that way pegging away at existence, flipping through that guidebook of proper behavior as if a reference for the happiness it actually shuns in process and in kind. Four. Five. Six…
TABOOS
Let’s continue with taboos. What does society, my place of worship, or the local colloquialisms of my environment have to do with how I live a 3D life? Why should any system influence that which is me, that which is unencumbered by the perceived mores of a community, group, or of what I’m told is a higher power who loves me so much it wants to chain and shackle me? Why would I allow that? I know, because I’m taught that’s the way it is suppose to be. The right way. The only way for good people to go, and I want to be considered “good,” right?
Hogwash! It use to be taboo for a whites and blacks to date… forget getting married. Ditto for same sex couples. And, what about sex, in general, with those pre to my generation, those who blazed the relationship trail sometime prior to the 1970’s when I was a teenager. They had it hard if they wished to comply. No sex (supposedly) until marriage. No sex with another once you were. And, respectable, non-dirty sex ever! Missionary position is the mission, the vision, the “all.” Well, shit! What if the sex you had with your spouse sucked? What if you discovered you had run out of things in common to do, to talk about, to experience. What if that joining linked you to a life that no longer served you, your partner, anyone? Would you stay? Would you cheat? Would you be willing to entertain a taboo of whatever kind in order to feel alive? Whole? Complete? Even just happy for a few hours? My experience showed me that most males and females would not do what brought happiness if it meant braking that contract known as marriage – even today, in the year 2017! Even if in the bending one would be able to bring more back into the marriage they would not look. Happiness was not a consideration in life. Meeting commitments was.
Makes one wonder what we fought so hard for in the 1960’s and 70’s with free love and opting to live together instead of marry to test drive the relationship and see what tailoring may be needed for the long term fit. To love, if coupled, may not be defined as requiring the actual feeling of love, as coupledom seems now to acquiesce to conditions of financial stability, community expectation, and how one is perceived in society. Love… well, love has nothing to do with it. For me, I choose love. I choose sex. I choose happiness. I choose me! Because, as an energetic signature traveling at the speed of thought I know that when I’m happy I manifest.
I create. And, I create magic – magic one can share, can shape into the life that will actually bring joy to everyone. It is that belief that creates the experience I desire – an experience willingly embraced by those that love me. If I succumb to the influences of the masses, of the physical world, of man’s programmed existence, I will get what I expect. I will fit in. I will be acceptable to others. And, I will not be loved or feel lovable. I will not love for I will have sacrificed it for convenience. For companionship… yeah, maybe, if that companionship brought sparks of excitement and feelings of worthiness. Sure, I’d probably do that. But for convenience, alone? No way, JoJo!
ALTERNATIVES:
Let’s close out with the real focus of this writing; Alternatives. What choice, then, does one have when faced with the desire to fit in, to avoid contrast, to be a 3D dimensional human while allowing all you spiritually are… be true to yourself. What do you want? How do you feel? Why can’t you have it all? And, how can you love… be loved, if you stay?
Easy. Allow it. Love unconditionally. Allow unconditional love. That’s it. That’s all. Simple, right? “But how?” you ask. The navigation is a personal choice. How I do it is like this. I just love. I don’t look to see if the other is single, coupled, partnered, married. I look to see if they are happy, first, and if they make me happy. Then I love. Love isn’t wrong. Love doesn’t hurt anyone, ever. Love is an emotion, a technology of frequency that expands consciousness and allows the actual process of manifestation. Love opens one up to be a creator. It is that first step in the expanded awakening process. Love.
And, when I love I have no intention of breaking up someone’s marriage. I see it as an addition to the marriage product, an add-on to supplement the agreement, the product’s proficiency, ability, growth, stability… and so on. It all boils down to understanding. If all parties talk, are clear, and are willing, then why can’t all three or four, or more co-exist for the greater good of the collective whole? By that I mean, why can’t contractors to the arrangement allow those bound by convention to love outside of the marriage as long as conditions set out in advance are met? Why can’t all co-exist? Why can’t the wife love as many people as she wants as long as lines agreed to with her husband are not crossed, whatever they may be – as I envision the to be unique to each of us. Why can’t they invite these lovers over for dinner? Share the doing of the dishes. Help one another with chores and responsibilities just because when you love one you want those around them to be content? Why can’t the male of the partnership stay up all night talking politics with his female political sparring partner without upsetting the marriage cart? He should have that choice. So should the wife. This isn’t about infidelity. It is actually about maintaining it in a situation that may, otherwise, lead to dissatisfaction, lost desire for life and for love, and the big D word, Divorce. Have it all! You deserve it.
Pivot, as my friend would say. Pivot in the direction of enlightenment. Recognize love as the tech it is and not as a limiting, stifling emotion that only triggers anger, strife, guilt and pain. Stay married if that’s what you desire. Appreciate the bond of a contractually committed relationship, and work to retain it. If you want that, then it should be yours. Have what you want. All that you want. Marriage, and love. With our without exclusivity in areas of time, money, and even sexuality. Don’t limit yourself in order to love yourself. Expand. Through the experience of life and of love, allow understanding; of self and of the dimension in which you exist. Turn love on its head. Embrace it at every turn. Allow it in all consumable forms. Communicate. Clarify. Be happy.
And… then there is Natalie. There is always a Natalie, a voice in the darkness that lifts me up. In this piece I heard earlier today while photoshopping the pictures seen herein, Natalie talks about feelings, and, for one like me, where they rise from and how they play out… for me. I’m sharing in the hopes you, too, will see how emotions are the foundation of our beingness – the answer to all questions, the one device you can’t leave home without. Feelings offered freely for you, always you, just because they are what is in the best interest of the individual and the collective. If one can sense that… allow that… then the world is theirs in this and in every lifetime.
Dance in the darkness. Love unconventionally. Love unconditionally. Just love.
Scorpio Mid-September 2017 Reading – FOLLOWING THE TRAIL! – 15-30 Love Career Energy
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Note: The tarot deck Natalie uses is called, The Wild Unknown.
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Wish we would have got to sit on the porch!
Me too. Next time fer sure. 😉